The world isn't ready for me and I am not ready to face the world

It's funny when I think about it... it's so funny that I end up crying my eyes dry... My life is one big irony. Trapped in a world where every single action I do elicit a different response from what I hope for. Everyday is a struggle. To be true to oneself and nature isn't an easy task, and yet it is the path I had chosen to take. Unfortunately, as time passes, I am riddled with doubts. Should I even walk further on this path? Should even throw caution to the wind and stand my ground against everyone who feels I am overstepping my boundaries? I am tired. So tired of struggling. So tired of thinking of ways to escape the chains I am bound with. Some of them think it is by choice. But who would chose to be bound to a life where freedom is scarce and your own do not accept you as you are? I am who I am and I want to stay as who I am. Unfortunately, as things stand, I don't quite feel up to it. The mask has been shattered once again. The sadness is out for all the world to see and I found myself once again struggling. The world knew the smile, and only a select few know about the tears.

So Young, Sounding So Old

I guess it is simply my way
Sounding older than my days
As I grasp for meaning
To figure what I'm missing

There are times when thoughts just passed
And I don't bother since it wouldn't last
But just seconds of time
And it'll rest on the back of my mind

I am merely a girl
With wings not quite unfurled
Barely out of my teens
Knowing helplessness and what it means

Truth is something hidden
It will not show even when bidden
It can be called a thing
That would most times sting

Laughter is not all innocence
It's not something we all can sense
For evil can lurk behind a face
Some not even leaving a trace

Disillussion is our constant companion
It is one of change's many minions
With disappointment in tow
True happiness giving a weak glow

Life is many different things
And different emotions it brings
As hardship pile one over the another
You learn to rely on yourself more and less on others

Gratefulness

Don't you just experience days when you look back on your life and find things to be grateful for? To find situations that makes you feel glad you decided to live instead of to die? I guess today is one of those days when I feel the urge to check out my friendster testimonial, albeit they're few compared to other people, for the perfect way to cheer up, and to shed a few heartfelt tears.

At times like this, I am glad I did not give up to the hopelessness I feel inside. It's also finding the reasons again that I had not failed to be the best person I can be, not only through my eyes, but also through the eyes of those I had come to know, love and share precious memories with.

I can't explain this nostalgic mood I found myself in, but somehow, I feel its fitting to remind me what I had gone through to get where I am now. Moreover, it also serves as a reminder that I had people who appreciate my presence the same way I appreciate them as well. Though I don't always get to chat them up, I know that in my heart, they will always remain special, and that they too know it as well.

Thank you everyone for making me feel someone of worth. You have no idea how much that helped me got through life.

Updates ^^

Hehehe... it has been awhile since i last posted, it's obvious how lazy I am...

Let's see, I've just started work, working on my fourth week at Bench, the clothing company/retailer of apparels... etc...

I've updated my new fic, Atashi no Koi, which I believed people who knew could very much guess plenty about it...

I'm working on another song, which I'll post once it's done...

hmm... I guess that's it for now.... hehehe.... ^^

hmm...

somehow, i feel like writing and yet nothing i want to write makes sense... i'm torn with this need to let off some of my thoughts, and yet, i couldn't quite put into words what it is that wants to break free and speak forth...