Ramblings

Somebody told me today that I have a lot of guilt and anger in me... and I know for a fact he's right... so he suggested I write down everything I feel...

So here goes nothing....

I feel under appreciated... not because I think too highly of myself, but because I am asked to do a lot of things with hardly any compensation... I am tired to say the least, tired of being the bigger person, of continuing to discipline myself, to be the perfect everything... to be the selfless woman of the world, to be the nurturer, the one to wish for a reality that cannot happen... I am tired of being helpless, of feeling guilt and anger of being helpless, of not being given the choice that is my right... of the external factors that are out my control... I am simply one who wants to make a difference in the world for the benefit of humanity... and I am tired of always being responsible...

and yet, despite this tiredness that settled unto me, I am unable to walk away... I am strong believer of order, and I am too much an idealist to let things simply as they are... true, I cannot save a soul... I am not the Lord... but I wish somehow I can save even one... cause I still believe that we are all in this Earth for a reason, and that's to help others...

I am torn with doing my social duty, and being selfish... I am unable to give up the former, in favor of the latter... maybe I am simply scared to know who is the girl inside me when all inhibitions are gone?