Harsh Reality or Rude Awakening

You decide... Cause I just don't want to think too much into it, or maybe I just don't want to accept what it actually felt like to me.

Is being nice worth it at all? Frankly, I'm disheartened at all to believe it at the moment. But I think after this angst-y moment, I'd probably trying my best to stay nice and hope people will see the sincerity in that.

Right now, I just felt used. I don't want to feel like that, nor do I want to believe that, but if I stick to hard cold facts, it will show that I had been cleverly played. I wonder what I had done to deserve this? I don't recall doing anything that would warrant such an action, or maybe I'm just too gullible, wanting to believe in the goodness that everyone possessed. I don't know...

I realized there's a lot of things I don't know, and I don't hide the fact that there's a lot of things I need to know. It just feels really hurtful when they take advantage of your blind spots for their own good. And take advantage of the kindness you had shown them. There are times I felt so old, and times I'm still a child who could just dismiss something like this so easily, that with just a few moments will express displeasure, and then later be playing alongside together like nothing happened. Its easily dismissed if it had only occurred once, but twice? Its time I should realize the friends I think I found are not really friends, just people realizing your potential as a highly profitable person to hook up with and take advantage of. Harsh? Maybe. But the reality it represents... a proliferation of friend-users.

It's funny in a bizarre way when you think about it. I should have been pretty adept at weeding out those people having gone through those people in my life. Makes you wonder how many I'll go through that time in this lifetime...

I never wanted to feel cut-off from the world like I did before, but I felt I don't have much choice when the world shows its ugly side and I'm pretty much left to my own devices.