Longing

I longed for you,

As the sky turned blue.

Tears began to fall,

How I wished you would call.

In the midst of my despair,

I wondered if you care.

The beauty of dawn had lost its light,

For my soul had gone lost in the night.

The loneliness that had held me so,

Can't be chase away by the star's warm glow.

I stand here all alone,

True love I had never known.

The Sun is up for the whole world to see,

And here I am, wond'ring if you'll ever notice me.

Hehehe... =)

Well, i went to sleep last night around 1 am, that's a rarity... that was the first time i had a real time conversation with ryan... he's a friend i met on myspace... he lives way over there in cebu... :)
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well... i forgot to add last night that this really cute guy i met the day before was actually the model brother of my sister's highschool batchmate.... could you believed what a small world it really is? -.~
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well, anyways.... i did more lazying than i should...
got to get myself to start working on stuffs i put on hold.... like finishing the stroy i'm goona give my friends for christmas, finishing another portrait drawing of dinah, starting on the bulletin board designs for this month, and maybe cracking some books... i hate studying... -_-

TGIF

Well, as can be expected, i lost the contest... well, actually, i was the only one who really didn't think i win, so it was the people around me who got disappointed, but then again, life goes on. :)
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well, i really didn't expect a lot of things on that day... peach was able to make it cause their meeting was cancelled... nova was also there and sean too. kevin, paola and tina were also there along with some other LaPiStas.... i was happy in some way, but then again, i can't help but think that maybe if i got over my stage fright, i might even have done a better job... but as it stand, i made a little mess of my performance... but... i wouldn't let that stop me from doing something similar again in the future. :) despite the fact that i might never win anything, being able to keep on trying, i might even be able to get over my stage-fright... now that's a good thing... :) anyway, i had fun, even though i was a nervous wreck that day, feeling like puking, shivering, breaking into cold sweat and hyperventilating... that's me :P hehehe... anyway, it's the weekend and i do hope i get to catch up on my sleep and maybe laze around a little... oh... busy busy busy.... :)

The Night Before

Okay, i'm getting a lot of butterflies in my tummy right about now... i just found out i'll be the fifth one on that stage tomorrow and self-defeating thoughts are beginning to cloud my mind, interfering with my practice and i'm getting myself worked up into some form of panic and i know i have to stop that from happening... i had to remind myself that this was something i had dreamed of doing before... of reaching out for something i had always wanted but had never been courageous enough to pursue.... ryan had once told me to seize every opportunity i see, and i guess i took that to heart. yola, kath, nova, nicole and a lot more wouldn't be able to make it to offer their support because they have to attend talks and meetings.... peachy has to go to a meeting but she'll try to make it, and i do hope she does, same as carlo, i do hope he'll be able to make it as well.... they will be my pillar of support, to keep me from backing out, from hiding behind the shell of my insecurities... too deeply had i hid this weakness within my heart that it's pretty amusing to find people surprised that despite my confident exterior, i am nothing more than a normal woman with normal insecurities... guess that's my edge... i can never really show how scared i am, nor speak how i truly feel when the object of my emotions is there in front of me... a blessing and a curse, a two-edged sword that is similar to loving and falling in love with one you wished to have but afraid to reach out for... but i do hope that my life doesn't forever play like a broken record... maybe this might be the first step in actually overcoming something within myself, who knows.... but i do know one thing, I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE!!!!! X

Another Adventure?

Well, it is another adventure... another trek to something unknown... something untried, yet frought with something akin to danger.... EMBARRASSMENT...
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should i dare take the risk? do i dare climb that stage and belt a song that i've only attempted to learn in a mere week? maybe if you think i'm talking about an english song or a filipino song... but i'm not, i'm talking about japanese songs... if only game songs were part of the allowed songs, i would have gone melodies of life or my all-time favorite 1000 words, but since it doesn't say.... the next best thing is a song i've been listening to without actually thinking of learning the lyrics... so here i am, trying my best to memorize Ayumi Hamasaki's Wishing... which is a really cool song, sentimental and romantic... even though i don't really know what it means... just a gut feeling i always get on songs that i can't really understand the language... anyway, wish me luck cause if i don't get this memorized by tuesday, i'm not gonna join that contest.... oh well, 1,500 bucks would be really out of my reach... :) :(

Hmmm....

i am not sure how to begin, or do i even want to begin... today, i found out that no matter how much, or even how long, i'm mad at someone doesn't change the fact that i had once shared a piece of my heart with that person. it also revealed to me that no matter how hard i try to harden my heart agaisnt the harsh realities of life, i remain as i am. my heart as weak as ever despite looking as tough as i can. i'm no saint, nor do i play the victim, but being able to extend the hand of friendship once again, no matter how much it hurt, might it be pride or something else, proved that i have changed. i'm no longer as childish as i used to be. i could really feel that i am maturing this year. at least that part of what the fortune-teller said came true. she had told me before that i am going to become mature in the trials ahead. i can't really say i'm happy right now, nor can i say i'm cheerful at most, cause i'm not. it's hard enough trying to do everything as not to give any one reason to worry about me, but to keep doing that even the comforts of my own home would tire me out much quicker, and i do need everything i could get cause i need to study for a test tomorrow. lately, it seems the topics i present are more serious than i intended. i guess i can't forever hide behind the shelter of my cheerfulness...

On Whoops and Sighs

do i have any reason to sigh on this wonderful day? the archers had won the uaap championships, there is a festive air in the school, although they are groans from many who wished today be a free day... and yet, here i sit and sigh...
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i had whooped along with the crowd through my only view of the game happening from afar, i held my breath as the game near its end, i suffered doubts as the time dwindled down to but a few measly seconds and the archers are down by two. i let out a shout as JV Casio sank a beautiful three-pointer that got us back in the lead. and mac's unbelievably lucky rebound had sealed the win with the two gift shots that he had successfully scored. the tears flowed freely from everyone's face, following the awarding ceremony... and alone, i watched from home, as crowds kept cheering and the cameras kept flashing... it was a wonderful game, to be remembered for its intensity and unpredictability...
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and now i sigh... just like every day since a few weeks past... my mind in chaos, my heart in turmoil... i am lost in feelings and visions that plagued my dreams of late... i can not explain nor would i attempt... my restlessness is showing as i await whatever this month shall bring... would it be the destined one, or shall disappointment rule this anticipating heart? i await the events destined for this month with bated breath, hope i shall force into the bottom of my heart for i shall hate to feel that i had hoped, only to plunge into the depths of sorrow and disillusionment...