The Night Before

Okay, i'm getting a lot of butterflies in my tummy right about now... i just found out i'll be the fifth one on that stage tomorrow and self-defeating thoughts are beginning to cloud my mind, interfering with my practice and i'm getting myself worked up into some form of panic and i know i have to stop that from happening... i had to remind myself that this was something i had dreamed of doing before... of reaching out for something i had always wanted but had never been courageous enough to pursue.... ryan had once told me to seize every opportunity i see, and i guess i took that to heart. yola, kath, nova, nicole and a lot more wouldn't be able to make it to offer their support because they have to attend talks and meetings.... peachy has to go to a meeting but she'll try to make it, and i do hope she does, same as carlo, i do hope he'll be able to make it as well.... they will be my pillar of support, to keep me from backing out, from hiding behind the shell of my insecurities... too deeply had i hid this weakness within my heart that it's pretty amusing to find people surprised that despite my confident exterior, i am nothing more than a normal woman with normal insecurities... guess that's my edge... i can never really show how scared i am, nor speak how i truly feel when the object of my emotions is there in front of me... a blessing and a curse, a two-edged sword that is similar to loving and falling in love with one you wished to have but afraid to reach out for... but i do hope that my life doesn't forever play like a broken record... maybe this might be the first step in actually overcoming something within myself, who knows.... but i do know one thing, I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE!!!!! X