Another Hell Weel Ahead

i guess now would be the time to push the panic button... i'm swamped with work and i could still laugh about it, for the moment anyway... but i've got to work extra hard cause i'm sure this week would be another week of countless pressures and stresses and the second term winds down to an end... come to think about it, i might just write something like summary of my second term after it ends... as for now, got to get back to work...

Hell Week and Happy Stuffs

at least it was last week... talk about not getting enough sleep...... i mean i went to bed at 4 am last monday, 11 at tuesday, 2 am on wednesday and around 11 on thursday and they woke me up at 6 am in the mornings.... well, a lot of things happened last week but i rather not divulged into much detail....
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well, on the good side of things, i managed to put up the bulletin board and it looked so cute. got a few more chapters done and got more inspiring reviews to steam me ahead, but i'll have to find time for it as quizzes are railing their way...
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i really want to give those people responsible for a lot more work for us a piece of my mind.... i mean because of them, we have a lot more stuff to do than we already have.... they're lucky they're not as busy as the rest of us are... on top of school work, we have extracurricular activities that require our attentions as well... i really wished they had been a silent bunch from the first time we had embryo class.. grr..........

Honto ni Ureshi desu

i've received three good review for my new story and i can't help bu inform the whole world who reads my blog...
i'm not that good a writer yet, but i'm happy that people appreciate my hard work... i'll have to try to work faster and come up with good storylines for next time, but first things first, i've got to finish this one or i won't be able to give my friends, well mostly girls, a copy of it as their christmas gifts... for the guys, i;ve still got to think about something else... i can't really pciture them reading a story like that... so.... hehehe i'm so excited... i'm all fired up... but i still need to go to bed soon for i;ve still got classes to attend, bulletin board to put up... and whatnot... got to finish chapter 4 tomorrow... and maybe even start on chapter 5.... wah!!! i;ve already told peachy how it's going to end.... but got to work on the body still........ sigh......... i'm going to bed a happy woman... hehehe.... :)
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oh, if anyone's interested to read it.... here's the link, although i'm not sure if i'm allowed to leave links in my blog...
so sleepy... (--.)zzzZZZ
www.fictionpress.com/~sakurajen
just look for one who gets three reviews and three chapters long, for the moment anyway.... hehehe

Anger

i feel it inside,

writhing,

waiting,

for a chance to strike.

it coiled up so tightly,

its eyes ever staring,

her jaws at ready,

for that one chance.

to bite down an enemy,

it would choose not,

for it had built up so long,

it would bite though it be wrong.

the time is ticking,

i wonder how long i'll last

to hold back a chain

so long had stayed fast.

my grasp might be slipping

for all i know,

and still i wait,

fretting even more.

like a volcano it shall burst forth,

outcome unknown,

but my heart yearns release,

from the snake coiled within.

a simple trigger might cause it to blow

and all the anger shall flow,

but would it be enough,

to soothe one's wounded heart?

^^

Today I saw a friend,

One I had not seen for awhile,

He looked well,

And I am glad,

For he had truly worked hard.

He must be busy,

As I myself am,

But I can't help wishing,

That someday soon,

We'll both be able to catch up.

Friends had come and go,

For we're all in different places,

But the friendship remains strong,

Across distances apart,

For the bonds shall remain long,

Till days had passed,

And I had breathed my last.

Welcoming In November

well, a month remains

before the coming day,

gifts are thought about,

and money had been well-saved.

canvassing had begun

as the season draws near,

toys and clothes aplenty,

books and bags galore.

letters had been thought about,

composed throughout the day,

to be written on christmas cards,

to be given on that special day.

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october had come and gone,

and here i still stand.

alone and without love,

i continually plow ahead.

no star to guide my path,

as the wind tries to hold me back.

though love may not be here today,

i'll find it in any possible way.

christmas is due to come,

and mayhap my chance for love.

though it might not be so,

i'll still wait and see

if that someone

might even be looking for me.

alone i remained to this day,
yet not a tear shall fall today,

for the future is full of possibilites,

it makes no sense to give in to depressive thoughts.

the ice of novemeber might bring me cold,

without anyone to cuddle and hold,

but december might bring me something new,

mayhap in a person called you. :)

Longing

I longed for you,

As the sky turned blue.

Tears began to fall,

How I wished you would call.

In the midst of my despair,

I wondered if you care.

The beauty of dawn had lost its light,

For my soul had gone lost in the night.

The loneliness that had held me so,

Can't be chase away by the star's warm glow.

I stand here all alone,

True love I had never known.

The Sun is up for the whole world to see,

And here I am, wond'ring if you'll ever notice me.

Hehehe... =)

Well, i went to sleep last night around 1 am, that's a rarity... that was the first time i had a real time conversation with ryan... he's a friend i met on myspace... he lives way over there in cebu... :)
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well... i forgot to add last night that this really cute guy i met the day before was actually the model brother of my sister's highschool batchmate.... could you believed what a small world it really is? -.~
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well, anyways.... i did more lazying than i should...
got to get myself to start working on stuffs i put on hold.... like finishing the stroy i'm goona give my friends for christmas, finishing another portrait drawing of dinah, starting on the bulletin board designs for this month, and maybe cracking some books... i hate studying... -_-

TGIF

Well, as can be expected, i lost the contest... well, actually, i was the only one who really didn't think i win, so it was the people around me who got disappointed, but then again, life goes on. :)
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well, i really didn't expect a lot of things on that day... peach was able to make it cause their meeting was cancelled... nova was also there and sean too. kevin, paola and tina were also there along with some other LaPiStas.... i was happy in some way, but then again, i can't help but think that maybe if i got over my stage fright, i might even have done a better job... but as it stand, i made a little mess of my performance... but... i wouldn't let that stop me from doing something similar again in the future. :) despite the fact that i might never win anything, being able to keep on trying, i might even be able to get over my stage-fright... now that's a good thing... :) anyway, i had fun, even though i was a nervous wreck that day, feeling like puking, shivering, breaking into cold sweat and hyperventilating... that's me :P hehehe... anyway, it's the weekend and i do hope i get to catch up on my sleep and maybe laze around a little... oh... busy busy busy.... :)

The Night Before

Okay, i'm getting a lot of butterflies in my tummy right about now... i just found out i'll be the fifth one on that stage tomorrow and self-defeating thoughts are beginning to cloud my mind, interfering with my practice and i'm getting myself worked up into some form of panic and i know i have to stop that from happening... i had to remind myself that this was something i had dreamed of doing before... of reaching out for something i had always wanted but had never been courageous enough to pursue.... ryan had once told me to seize every opportunity i see, and i guess i took that to heart. yola, kath, nova, nicole and a lot more wouldn't be able to make it to offer their support because they have to attend talks and meetings.... peachy has to go to a meeting but she'll try to make it, and i do hope she does, same as carlo, i do hope he'll be able to make it as well.... they will be my pillar of support, to keep me from backing out, from hiding behind the shell of my insecurities... too deeply had i hid this weakness within my heart that it's pretty amusing to find people surprised that despite my confident exterior, i am nothing more than a normal woman with normal insecurities... guess that's my edge... i can never really show how scared i am, nor speak how i truly feel when the object of my emotions is there in front of me... a blessing and a curse, a two-edged sword that is similar to loving and falling in love with one you wished to have but afraid to reach out for... but i do hope that my life doesn't forever play like a broken record... maybe this might be the first step in actually overcoming something within myself, who knows.... but i do know one thing, I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE!!!!! X

Another Adventure?

Well, it is another adventure... another trek to something unknown... something untried, yet frought with something akin to danger.... EMBARRASSMENT...
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should i dare take the risk? do i dare climb that stage and belt a song that i've only attempted to learn in a mere week? maybe if you think i'm talking about an english song or a filipino song... but i'm not, i'm talking about japanese songs... if only game songs were part of the allowed songs, i would have gone melodies of life or my all-time favorite 1000 words, but since it doesn't say.... the next best thing is a song i've been listening to without actually thinking of learning the lyrics... so here i am, trying my best to memorize Ayumi Hamasaki's Wishing... which is a really cool song, sentimental and romantic... even though i don't really know what it means... just a gut feeling i always get on songs that i can't really understand the language... anyway, wish me luck cause if i don't get this memorized by tuesday, i'm not gonna join that contest.... oh well, 1,500 bucks would be really out of my reach... :) :(

Hmmm....

i am not sure how to begin, or do i even want to begin... today, i found out that no matter how much, or even how long, i'm mad at someone doesn't change the fact that i had once shared a piece of my heart with that person. it also revealed to me that no matter how hard i try to harden my heart agaisnt the harsh realities of life, i remain as i am. my heart as weak as ever despite looking as tough as i can. i'm no saint, nor do i play the victim, but being able to extend the hand of friendship once again, no matter how much it hurt, might it be pride or something else, proved that i have changed. i'm no longer as childish as i used to be. i could really feel that i am maturing this year. at least that part of what the fortune-teller said came true. she had told me before that i am going to become mature in the trials ahead. i can't really say i'm happy right now, nor can i say i'm cheerful at most, cause i'm not. it's hard enough trying to do everything as not to give any one reason to worry about me, but to keep doing that even the comforts of my own home would tire me out much quicker, and i do need everything i could get cause i need to study for a test tomorrow. lately, it seems the topics i present are more serious than i intended. i guess i can't forever hide behind the shelter of my cheerfulness...

On Whoops and Sighs

do i have any reason to sigh on this wonderful day? the archers had won the uaap championships, there is a festive air in the school, although they are groans from many who wished today be a free day... and yet, here i sit and sigh...
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i had whooped along with the crowd through my only view of the game happening from afar, i held my breath as the game near its end, i suffered doubts as the time dwindled down to but a few measly seconds and the archers are down by two. i let out a shout as JV Casio sank a beautiful three-pointer that got us back in the lead. and mac's unbelievably lucky rebound had sealed the win with the two gift shots that he had successfully scored. the tears flowed freely from everyone's face, following the awarding ceremony... and alone, i watched from home, as crowds kept cheering and the cameras kept flashing... it was a wonderful game, to be remembered for its intensity and unpredictability...
* * * * *
and now i sigh... just like every day since a few weeks past... my mind in chaos, my heart in turmoil... i am lost in feelings and visions that plagued my dreams of late... i can not explain nor would i attempt... my restlessness is showing as i await whatever this month shall bring... would it be the destined one, or shall disappointment rule this anticipating heart? i await the events destined for this month with bated breath, hope i shall force into the bottom of my heart for i shall hate to feel that i had hoped, only to plunge into the depths of sorrow and disillusionment...

Seasonn 67 Semis and 2nd Term

well.... it's official!!!! we're in the no. 2 spot with the twice to beat advantage over ateneo.... just a really weird thought though, i like fonacier and tiu from ateneo, but i want dlsu to win, how confusing it is when they're the ones fighting... you don't know if you could cheer for them when it turns out every good shot they make means they're a basket closer to beating us.... oh well... hope we make it to the finals...
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well, it seems a lot of people viewed me as one of those students who won't fail anything... it was pretty funny actually, but nonetheless, it makes me want to work harder just so i wouldn't find myself in such a position again...
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one month... just one month to go and i'll find out if what the fortune-teller said was true... would it be the truth or just nothing more than a lie? would i indeed meet the man that was meant for me, or would i find more disappointment? i don't want to raise my hope, but can i tell my heart not to? sigh... what conflicting thoughts plague my mind, thrusting it in chaos filled with emotions, anticipation and the fear of disappointment? how is it possible to hope and not to find pain in disappointment? thoughts that continually disturb not only me but others as well...

The Forgotten 

Friday Fun

well... it's not exactly a fun friday but at least i got to see some of my friends evn though the reason for seeing them is not exactly a very positive event.... okay, to dispel any confusion, today, i went to school to adjust my schedule because i failed chem. yes, i'm not cheerful nor in a ranting mood at the moment as i was before. just resigned to the fate i was handed with and handling my grief in a more mature way...
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anyway, i had a conversation with a friend i haven't talked to for awhile, chatted with some of my friends, spent the rest of my afternoon in front of my computer, brought some new clothes to wear for next term this morning and basically spending my last friday in a more or less light-hearted mood since i'll be going back for the second term on monday...
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well, i'm sorry if i made you sad yola... wasn't really my intention... didn't even realize you were reading my posts... thanks a lot and i miss you too... let's hang-out next term whenever we could and maybe go out on another food trip with a lot more people than just me, you, peachy and dr. :)

Thoughts and Thoughts and Lots of Thoughts

well... i actually have some thoughts last night... unfortunately i forgot about them T_T...
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well, another boring day and posting is just another pastime to help while the time away until something interesting happens... because it's still flooded over here, i can't even go and play with my dogs... my connection isn't stable that it's much more a hassle to play ragnarok than it is fun... i still don't know which files to keep that i'm no nearer to actually reformatting my computer... just managed to pass my application for Selene Scans and i'm still waiting if i got the job or not....
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another boring day, another senseless posts... thoughts come quickly, stay for awhile and eventually fades... leaving behind a feeling... a sense of loss...

Posting on a Boring Day

well, the rain hadn't let up much. our house is swamped (not the house itself, just the lawn and the grounds outside, house is very much elevated, luckily), and plans after plans hadn't push through.
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on monday, i was supposed to do a group study with my friend, peach. unfortunately, by some unknown reason, i somehow got my format for my final paper to be passed on the same day wrong.... took two full hours to retype cause i didn't save it in a diskette....
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yesterday, we were supposed to go on a gimmick... food tripping and maybe a movie, all after the exam and the adjustment, but unfortunate matters sprung up once again... rain and buckets of them flooded the streets, it was a really weird and upsetting day. i was told to go home right after the adjustment....
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well, today, yola was suppose to come over and we were planning to have a dvd marathon and cheer on the game later... but unfortunately, it rained too much again and the game was postponed.... oh well... are plans always like this?

Interestingly weird

this is getting on my nerves... why the heck do i have to retypre everything always? i'm going to save this first as a draft before publishing this... i lost my first post becuase of this.... guess i'll shorten this one cause i clearly do not have that much time to dilly-dally with finals breathing down my neck!!!
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why is it that plans always don't push through without a snag? i mean, there are so many things that could go wrong that wasn't suppose to go wrong..... i know i'm not making much sense right now, but time is running out and i need to cram my head with chem reactions, naming and whatever there is to cram.... maybe i'll elaborate next time, or maybe i won't... there just so many things a girl can do in a day....

Monday Blues

it's a crammy Monday for me caus eit's the start fo finals week. that means, cramming non stop to pass chem... yeech!
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anyway, the term is nearing it's end... i just can't help wondering what's in store next term... hopefully, more time to hang out with friends, catching up with old friends, and maybe meeting the one, aside from non-stop studying, organization participation and other extracurricular activities.
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nothing much to write about at the moment... but the day is still young and something interesting might come my way, later in the day... :)

Intro to the world of one such as I

Hi! This is my first time writing a blog for no apparent reason but just writing. Okay, my friends kind of introduced me to the whole deal and the first blogs I ever posted was on myspace, but then again, it's still kinda crappy...
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Today is Friday and the last week of the term before finals here in our school. i'm just lounging here in a computer lab waiting for my friend when I'm supposed to be working on my last paper of the term to be passed on Monday. Things are supposed to be busy right now, but I unfortunately can't seem to get into the tension-filled air... I'm too psyched it being the weekend and all....
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The exterior of our house is almost done and soon I'll be moving to my new room and spending my days and nights in blissful solitude in my own room.:) Don't get me wrong, I'm not antisocial or anything, I just happen to wish being alone and away from my family for awhile... can't hardly wait :)